Would you prefer that the two of you make choices without getting input from either set of parents? Are there some decisions you’d ask one set of parents about, but not the other?īe aware that asking for parents’ advice can be a slippery slope. Talk about how the two of you would like decision making to work. If you feel threatened by your spouse’s behavior, share that diplomatically but honestly. If you’re frustrated because your spouse consults with his or her parents on decisions more than you’d like, the two of you need to work through this issue.

If you and your mate have different habits on this score, conflict may result. Some spouses are used to asking their parents for direction others make decisions more independently. Family history can make this difficult water to navigate. The latter are often deeply caring people who want the best for their children, but their behavior communicates a lack of respect and trust in the judgment of their child and his or her spouse. Some parents are better than others in this area many wait for their adult children to ask for advice, but others try to inject unsolicited wisdom. Couples need the freedom and autonomy to make their own decisions. Let’s take a closer look at these and what you can do about them. One spouse reveals details of marital conflict with his or her parents, leading the other spouse to feel betrayed.One spouse looks to the parent, not the partner, to get his or her emotional needs met, leading the partner to feel ignored.One spouse relies too heavily on the parents to help in decision-making, leading the other spouse to feel insignificant.But problems arise if factors like the following are present: Maintaining relationships with our parents usually is beneficial. Genesis 2:24 says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” The King James Version calls being united “cleaving.” This refers to God’s invention of a unique bond between husband and wife that’s not to be compromised by their relationship with their parents.ĭoes this mean that we cut ourselves off from our families of origin? Not if they’re reasonably healthy. Susan and Tom aren’t the only couple to have a problem in this area. “We have a real problem with the ‘leave and cleave’ thing.” “Oh! The issue is about boundaries and leaving and cleaving.” “Well, it would be just one more way for his mom and dad to try to influence our decisions.” The resentment in Susan’s voice was clear. “Just because we don’t usually do it here, I don’t quite understand why you’re so freaked out.” “In Bible days, multiple generations lived together all the time,” Julie said. Julie wondered why Susan was so upset. After all, having extended families live together wasn’t exactly a new idea. Maybe we could even charge them rent, or the kids could stay with them instead of going to daycare. He thought it would be a good idea for his parents to move in with us to share some of the expenses. “Well, the other night we were talking about our finances, and the kids, and how things are really tight right now. “Tom wants his parents to come live with us!” “Julie, you’ll never believe it!” exclaimed Susan.

Cut the strings credit letter